


way to get started

by sugas



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Fluff, M/M, That's all there is, Unresolved Tension, dumb boys
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-16
Updated: 2018-09-23
Packaged: 2019-05-24 01:10:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,865
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14944817
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sugas/pseuds/sugas
Summary: Ronan's dreams are once again extremely self sabotaging. Only this time Adam is just a bit too much involved for his liking.Or; Ronan dreams a balloon that won't get away from Adam. The solution he finds is less than ideal and neither know how to deal with emotions of any shape or size.





	1. Chapter 1

Most of Ronan’s dreams were terrifying, borderline life threatening. Then there were other dreams, beautiful ones. Where the sun would shine and Adam would smile at him. Then there was a third kind of dream. And those dreams were dumb as shit.

This was one of the last category. Whenever Ronan drank his dreams became different, they lost their logic, dream logic. As if Cabeswater itself was intoxicated as well and thriving off it, taking Ronan with it for the ride.

Ronan was in Cabeswater, he knew he was dreaming. He was standing barefoot on Cabeswater’s leave filled ground. The soggy mud underneath, cooling off his feet. The ground moved in the same wavy way one’s mattress did when completely hammered. Ronan didn’t mind it.

Gansey was walking between the trees where Ronan could just see him. Slowly Gansey made his way towards Ronan while Ronan drew a dick in the mud using his toes.

“It’s very clear!” Gansey spoke. “What would you do, Ronan, if you were a supposedly dead Welsh king having to take an L?” Ronan pulled up his eyebrows, dream Cabeswater was doing a shit job at dream-Gansey. Ronan stayed silent, allowing dream-Gansey to answer his own question. “You’d become a sheep farmer Ronan, if you had to disappear! None of that being dead stuff. I can’t believe we didn’t realise this before Ronan!” Dream-Gansey was near pulling how own hair out because of his own groundbreaking realisation.

“You better refine this theory,” Ronan smacked Gansey on the shoulder as a goodbye and left him to his excited mumbling. That part Cabeswater had gotten right, both Gansey’s mouth and mind would forever be occupied by one and the same subject.

Making his way deeper into Cabeswater the trees became older, Ronan wouldn’t be able to encircle them with his arms if he tried, he thought to himself.

Sitting with his back to a tree was Adam, his eyes closed, he was resting. Ronan kicked his leg and Adam’s eyes opened slowly, regarding Ronan. “Sup?” Adam hummed a vague response, a smile tugging at his lips.

This was Ronan’s favourite Adam. Without worries, rested, at peace, Adam. Ronan sat his back to the same tree Adam was. Shoulders a few inches apart. He wasn’t able to see Adam well without turning his head all the way due to the shape of the treetrunk. But this was a dream so Ronan didn’t have to hide shit. With his cheek against the tree’s bark he observed Adam. Long lashes resting on his prominent cheekbones, his lips slightly parted so he could breathe in and out through his mouth.

While they were both enjoying the sun shining through the leaves of Cabeswater Ronan saw something small and pink in the corner of his eye. Slowly he turned his head, eyes lingering on dream-Adam. He noticed it was a balloon, slowly it fell towards the ground from the top of the trees where it had come from. It hit the ground and bounced a little before resting at the end of Adam’s outstretched feet. Adam observed it with interest.

It took about thirty seconds for a second balloon to make its way through the leaves. It landed not too far from the first balloon. For minutes both Adam and Ronan watched balloon find their way through Cabeswater’s playful leaves to the ground where they bounced against each other, all finding their own place on the ground.

Ronan moved one of his legs to kick at one of the pink balloon, causing a bunch of balloons to bounce off one another. Grinning Adam picked up two nearby sticks and handed Ronan one. “Asking me to physically fight a bunch of balloons?” Ronan asked while taking the stick Adam was handing him. Adam’s response existed out of a quick jab to the ground, laughing when the balloon exploded. It weren’t regular balloons, which was to be expected from Cabeswater. A high musical note filled the air where a loud pop was supposed to be.

Ronan stood up and stabbed a balloon near him, a new note filling the air. They looked each other in the eye, silently inviting the other to a competition. Both equally competitive, Adam’s lips turned down for a short moment as a sign of amusement.

For minutes the air was filled with notes, as incohesive as they were beautiful. Within seconds they had both broken off the sticks they had been holding and were now standing on the pink balloons, or crushing them between their bare hands. Pushing each other when the other came too near, sounds of joy intertwining with playful notes.

Panting they stood across each other, one balloon left at Ronan’s feet. He picked it up and held it between his hands. His heart felt just as light as the pink bell of air in his hands. He turned it around and looked up at Adam. Ronan threw it up so high it almost touched the leaves above them. Slowly gravity pulled it down again, to Adam. As Adam watched it come down to him he stood on his toes and moved his head swiftly so the balloon would bounce off it, back to Ronan.

Ronan reached his hands up in the air, ready to catch, however the balloon never came. Halfway between them it made its way back to Adam. Softly it bounced of the top of his head and back again. “What the fuck,” Ronan remarked every so helpfully.

Adam tried swatting it away. He succeeded and away it went.  
Until it came back. And again. And again.

“This is your dream, come on, get rid of it,” Adam asked Ronan. And so Ronan did. Asking Cabeswater to take it away, they had had their fun. _Obsecro_.

Both Adam and Ronan waited for Cabeswater to respond. Leaves rustled, they appeared to be laughing. _aperire oculos eius_.  
You fix it.

Ronan breathed annoyed. This kind of dream could go from magical to annoying so fast.  
Adam, who was at this point ignoring the balloon looking at Ronan, question in his eyes.

“What now?” Adam asked Ronan. “You fucking live with it I guess,” Ronan retorted.  
“Jesus.”

After having tried squeezing it, carrying it away from Adam to a reasonable distance and running away from it they came to one conclusion; there was no escaping it, there was no destroying it. And so it bounced around Adam’s head and they both walked around Cabeswater, enjoying its earthy smell and fucked around with whatever they had at hands.

Ronan’s heart was going a thousand miles an hour when he woke up. A loud noise had erupted from the room next to his. He was unable to move his body, just like he always was when he had pulled something from his dreams. Only this time there was no dream object, just a loud banging and Gansey’s disoriented shuffling around monmouth.

Having regained the feeling in his body Ronan dragged his hungover ass out of bed and took a moment to breath, careful not to throw up. Moving Chainsaw out of his way he made his way to where Gansey was cleaning the floor.

“Fuck ‘d you do?” Ronan groaned.  
“Making soup and then…” Gansey waved his hand to the mess on the floor.  
“Why the fuck so early?” Ronan asked while putting his hand in front of his eyes, blocking out the light.  
“Well it’s five in the afternoon,” Gansey said casually while picking up some pieces of carrot from the wooden floor, looking very sad about his soup. Ronan made a 180 and went right back to bed, grabbing a glass of water on his way. He might as well stay in bed if it was that late.

He got Chainsaw to fuck off outside and drew the blinds in his room. In a moment of blissful misery Ronan let his head hit his pillow and closed his eyes, the banging in his head subsiding.

It was less than an hour before Adam stood in front of Monmouth’s door. Ronan heard him talking to Gansey from where he was lying in his bed. Adam’s irritation was notable from two rooms over. Gansey, however, didn’t speak with caution, like he would around Adam. He laughed his Gansey laugh, not the Richard III one. Then responded to Adam with the same tone he would if he were talking about Glendower, unfiltered interest. Ronan was unable to hear what the conversation was about until he heard both Adam and Gansey stand in front of his door.

When Ronan’s door opened he almost wanted to laugh, this wasn’t happening to him. Gansey wasn’t the most interesting thing at Adam’s side, it was a pink balloon bouncing softly around his head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this chapter. I've got a bunch of them written. 
> 
> English isn't my first language. I did check for grammar mistakes but there might still be some, sorry.


	2. Chapter 2

When Adam had left work around five a balloon had come floating towards him while he cycled to St. Agnes. First he thought it was the wind carrying it but it wasn’t, it was going too fast and in too much of a straight line.

It wouldn’t be anyone's first instinct to be wary of a little balloon. However, if you were Adam Parrish, and spent your free time looking for dead Welsh kings in certain company you learned to be wary of things that were just slightly out of the ordinary. He didn’t think it was Cabeswater, it hadn’t been very present all day.

And so Adam had made a sharp turn towards Monmouth. In Monmouth there lived one person keen to explain that what was unexplainable and another person who was often the creator of that what was unexplainable.

Here they were, Adam pacing around Gansey’s miniature Henrietta, his eyes mapping out his route to school, the way to St. Agnes, the way to the Barns until it was cut off by a lamp that stood on the floor and Gansey had stopped working on the road. Ronan was spread out on the couch, chainsaw seated on his stomach. Gansey was seated on a comfortable chair, legs folded in the same way an upperclass father did while reading his newspaper.

Yes, Ronan admitted, the balloon had indeed come from his dreams. And no, he really didn’t know how to get rid of it.

Gansey had taken charge of questioning an uncooperative Ronan. Gansey wanted an answer, Ronan didn’t have one, it wasn’t very productive.

Ronan reluctantly told them about his dream. Telling about Gansey’s sheep farmer theory. Ronan’s eyes shot to Adam, to catch his response to this jab at Gansey. Adam had already been watching Ronan and gave him a quick smile. Gansey seemed too aghast to notice.

Ronan told them he had seen Adam with a bunch of balloon, they had fucked around for a while. Adam suspected, hoped, there had been more to it. Ronan wasn’t making eye contact. Ronan Lynch wasn’t a liar, but he also wasn’t one for a lot of words, not when it came to a supposedly private crush.

They all came to one conclusion, there was fuck all to do about the balloon. Adam had tried to put a knife to it - he had found one lying around. Gansey had tried to hold on to it and walk away. When he was outside of Monmouth he had let it go and slowly but surely it had started drifting back to where Adam was located. Sneaking through open windows and cracks of doors. Once returned to Adam it softly bounced off Adam’s head. Noah mentioned the balloon appeared to be smiling, which was a very weird thing for an inanimate object to do.

Ronan stayed where he was, lounging on the couch, feather harassing chainsaw. He knew this was pointless, he had tried everything before merely an hour ago.

Gansey ordered pizza, he was still a little off put about his soup. The idea of going to Nino’s was immediately shot down because of Adam’s new companion. Gansey was happily talking away on the phone. Adam always felt awkward in these situations. He hadn’t come over for dinner, he could make himself some back at the church. But Gansey was Gansey. However, Adam was Adam. Maybe he had finally gotten the fact across that he didn’t want Gansey’s money.

Adam was snapped out of his spiraling thoughts when Gansey put his phone to his chest, he look at both Adam and Ronan, Noah having disappeared. “What do you want?” he asked. You. Plural? Singular? The English language could be so inconvenient. “Whatever Parrish wants,” Ronan responded, not looking at Adam. A weight lifted off Adam. Gansey looked at Adam in question. “Something without mushrooms,” Adam responded. Ronan despised mushrooms. For a quick moment Gansey’s eyes narrowed, shooting from Adam to Ronan and back. Then his smiled reappeared and his phone went back to his ear. Pizzas were ordered and moments left unspoken.

Adam busied himself stuffing his face with pizza, playing solo volleyball with a dream balloon and discussing Glendower locations to visit all at the same time. In between he found moments to sneak glances at Ronan, just to see if he was looking back. He was.

Around seven Adam decided he had homework to do, Gansey decided he had to discuss something with Blue and Ronan decided he had to do whatever the fuck Ronan did when he was left unsupervised. In a moment of genius Gansey decided to lock the balloon that was still making sweet love to Adam’s head in the bathroom. The one window it had was closed and it couldn’t get out. They all decided it was worth a shot and Adam left Monmouth, without his quest companion, as Noah had called it before.

 

* * *

 

 

It started softly, barely noticeable. Gansey heard it first when he walked past the bathroom. One soft note was playing continuously. At first he wasn’t sure he was hearing it right but when he pressed his ear to the bathroom door he could most definitely hear something.  
“Ronan!” The other one stuck his head out of his bedroom door. “What?” Ronan lifted one side of his headphone from his ear. “Listen to this.”

It was eleven-something, nearing midnight. Ronan had returned, reeking of gasoline, a while ago. Ronan put his ear to the bathroom door as well. “Maybe it’s the shower,” he offered. Gansey pulled up an eyebrow. “Okay, well, it didn’t do this in the dream.” Gansey put his thumb to his bottom lip, thinking. “Let’s just hope it doesn’t get louder.” Gansey went back to where he was cutting out some walls for a local sandwich store.

When Ronan was about to retreat back into his room Gansey spoke up. “Ronan, what is this _really_?” Ronan heard the invitation to talk. Knew Gansey was asking again because Adam wasn’t around now. Ronan looked over his shoulder at Gansey before shutting his door with a loud bang.

It took two more hours before the sound became annoying, after the third hour Gansey stormed into Ronan’s room. Gansey was always in complete control of himself, carrying himself with the dignity and grace that made a Gansey a Gansey. However, everyone had their limits. Ronan had simply drowned out the sound with even louder sounds.

“I’m going to take it and put it in the BMW. We will bring it to Adam in the morning. Even if I wanted to, I couldn’t close an eye like this!” They both treasured Adam’s sleep too much to bother him with this in the middle of the night.

“Be careful,” Gansey said to Ronan when he had said he’d be the one that took the damn thing out.

“It’s just a fucking balloon man.”

“Not a normal one.” the _it comes from the inside of your head_ left unspoken, the suggestion of danger ever present when Ronan was involved.

Gansey stood behind Ronan when Ronan opened the door to the bathroom. When it came out moving as slow as ever Ronan grabbed it with his right hand and marched towards the door so he could dump it in the BMW parked outside. In his hand he could feel the balloon vibrate with the noise it made. _chiiiiiii_. Annoying as shit.

Ronan cursed himself, his dreams, stupid Cabeswater. He swore to himself he’d go back to sleep tonight and find a solution.


	3. Chapter 3

The following day Adam was disturbed in his peaceful homework session by a loud banging on his door. He couldn’t say he didn’t expect it. At ten he was very aware of the fact that Ronan was just one staircase and a hundred seemingly non-stop singing catholics away. At eleven thirty shuffling was to be heard from everyone who was in a rush leaving church again. At eleven thirty five there was a knock on his door, like clockwork.

Ronan stormed into the apartment in a mood, the same way he always did when having spent time with Declan. Adam let Ronan rummage around his stuff, knowing he just needed some time to cool off. After fifteen minutes Ronan looked over his shoulder to read Adam’s assignment.

“You could just do your own, instead of judging my Latin.” Adam tried to hit Ronan with his pen but the other was already out of range.

“Nah man, it’s rude to keep Dick waiting for _that_ long.” Ronan put back on the boots he had previously kicked off.

“Where’s Gansey?” Adam asked suspiciously.

“Pulled up like 5 minutes ago,” Ronan shrugged.

“Jesus, Lynch, you could have said something! I didn’t hear shit.” Adam scrambled to grab his coat from where it was hung over his chair.

“It’s just Lynch for you,” Ronan didn’t say anything for a moment. “Dick won’t be mad for having some quality time with the maggot. Who cares, you were busy,” Ronan marched ahead of Adam to the parking lot next to the church. Just enough time for his flushed face to go back to normal.

 

At nine that morning Ronan had stood beside Adam’s bed, waking him up by grabbing his sheets. Adam woke up with a yelp and within seconds he sat upright. “I swear if you don’t have a good reason for this I’m going to tell Gansey were you hide the alcohol.” Adam pointed a finger at Ronan. Cowlicks making him appear less threatening than he intended to be. Ronan snorted and threw the duffle bag he was carrying on Adam’s bed.

“What’s in there?” Adam asked while covering his mouth so he could yawn. “Breakfast and company,” was Ronan’s response. A pink balloon escaped out of the bag Adam was eyeing and floated to where Adam was sitting. “Why did you bring this here?” Adam’s voice breaking at the end of the sentence, he loved being a teenage boy. He slid out of bed to pull on some pants.

Ronan told him about the noise complaints Gansey had been making while stuffing his face with a sandwich he had bought earlier. He left out where he had failed to fall asleep for the entire night. Pouring a cup of water in Adam’s make-do kitchen he shoved some breakfast Adam’s way. Adam had invited him to stay until mass started. Ronan had made himself at home while Adam started his Latin assignment. Adam didn’t mind having a suited up Ronan Lynch around, even if he arrived at the asscrack of dawn.

 

Here they were, seated in the Pig. Gansey exchanged a fistbump with both Adam and Ronan before turning over the key in the ignition. Blue ruffled Adam’s hair with a smile. Adam loved Blue’s smile, she smiled so bright her eyes shut. Somewhere in the middle sat Noah, however Adam was able to see Blue on the other side right through him. Adam rested his arms on the balloon he shoved in his lap, his head he rested against the window. Gansey hit the gas and with a roar they left St. Agnes behind them, onto greater things.

On their way to the mountain where Gansey wanted to check out for a possible tie to Glendower the group theorised about Ronan’s dream balloon. When Gansey had first told Blue about it she had laughed until she cried. The idea of the sheer horror Ronan must be go through humoring her.

“What if it’s a joy balloon, maybe it only goes away when Adam smiles!”

“Are you suggesting I don’t smile?”

“Parrish, you can smile?”

“Shut up.”

In the mountains Gansey wandered off, carrying a backpack filled with equipment that beeped every so often. Adam took a piss while Ronan threw rocks down the steep road, watching them crash and disappear. Blue and Noah discussed the use of a dowsing rod. They tried to bet Gansey’s expensive equipment against it, Gansey rolled his eyes at them, smiling.

Adam singled out Ronan while the others were walking around, turning stones and following circles.

“Dreamed anything tonight?” Both of them looking to the view that was spread out before them. Henrietta in the distance, small as ever. They were kings.

“Nothing useful.” Ronan kicked a small rock towards Adam, Adam kicked it back. Ronan looked at him and smirked. “Should have dreamed you some sunscreen.”

“Look who’s talking you Irish shitbag,” Adam shot back without hesitation.

They both relaxed into the sun. Ronan was still wearing his dress shirt, sleeves rolled up. Adam had to drag his eyes away from him and instead looked at where Gansey and Blue were laughing about something Blue had said. He felt weird. Not bad weird. Before it had always been Gansey and Ronan and Gansey and Adam. Then it became Gansey and Ronan and Adam. And now? Somehow it felt like it was Gansey and Blue, Ronan and Adam. It had happened without anyone noticing. Or maybe they had noticed, all of them. It was just that no one minded, somehow it felt right.

Ronan stood closer to Adam than he had previously been. “I’ll try to dream a solution tonight, okay?” To this Adam didn’t have an immediate response. He swallowed and said, “oh, yeah, whatever.”

Flirting was not a language Adam Parrish spoke very well. Granted, neither did Ronan Lynch.

 

* * *

  

Gansey had a very Gansey way of handling disappointment. They hadn’t found anything useful, nothing they didn’t already know. There would be spikes of energy at random moments, just like there would be everywhere if you came close enough to a leyline. It was nothing Adam wouldn’t have been able to help him with by simple feeling into the earth. Now Gansey was driving them back to Henrietta saying things like, “at least now we know where _not_ to look. That’s a good thing too.” Everyone in the car felt equally like shit. Gansey’s time was running out and everytime he would mention the word _later_ Adam and Blue exchanged a worried glance.

Even Noah noticed the bummed out mood in the car and he had the room reading skill of a ghost. Although that might have just been Noah himself to begin with. “What are you going to do about the little pink boy, Adam?” Noah asked curiously “I think I’ll just let Ronan be, why?” Ronan shoved his seat back in response, taking all Adam’s leg space away. “Then I don’t dream, fuck you.” Blue snorted and gave Adam a fistbump. Gansey pressed his lips together, suppressing a laugh.

“Can I decorate it?” Noah asked grabbing the balloon from where Adam was pressing it down. “It does look naked,” Blue agreed with him. Adam shrugged, he didn't care. He just needed the thing gone before tomorrow when he had to go back to school. Blue got a gleam in her eyes Adam didn’t trust, maybe he shouldn’t have agreed.

And so they ended up lounging around Monmouth for the afternoon. Adam and Gansey tag teaming the Latin assignment. Ever so often Gansey would look at Ronan, telling him wordlessly to do his own assignment. Ronan pretended not to see.

Blue sat next to Gansey, close enough to appease her desire to sit as close as humanly possible to Gansey. But she sat far enough away from him so she was convinced Adam didn’t notice. Adam noticed. Next to her sat Noah, armed with glue glitter and a sharpie. Adam’s compagnion now said ‘Missing, facial hair, please call 1-800-Richard’ in Noah’s cursive handwriting, ‘Ronan Lynch can’t parallel park for shit’ Blue had written copying Ronan’s handwriting with striking accuracy and a very detailed recipe for banana bread took the rest of the space.

When Adam put his head back, stretching his arms Ronan got up from where he was seated. Tapping Adam on the shoulder he told him to get up. “We’re going to your place, I’ve got to dream.” Adam grabbed his stuff and hurriedly followed Ronan to his car, at this point he was extremely annoyed by the constant tapping around his head and just wanted it _gone_.

Ronan stopped for gas and bought a bag of chips. “Dessert,” he said while he threw it in Adam’s lap, ‘dinner at your squatter’s hole’. Adam like how Ronan respected him, in his own very weird - and sometimes offensive - Ronan-like way. Ronan gave him 50/50. He gave that what Adam allowed him to give and took that what Adam was willing to give.

While Ronan drove Adam looked at his hands on the steering wheel. He blamed it on being a teenager but whenever they were alone images of touching Ronan, kissing him, started flashing through his mind. He tried to push them away. Of course that only made him think of very unrealistic scenarios even more. Adam slumped further back into his pre-heated seat. Fuck this.

 

* * *

 

In his dreams Ronan saw Adam again, resting against the same tree, the same balloon floating around his head, he didn’t seem to mind. Ronan sat down in front of him, crossing his legs. He studied Adam, then the balloon. Adam observed him back, the balloon not so much.

“So, figure out yet what the thing is for?” Adam challenged Ronan. “How should I know?” Ronan scoffed. He was drunk when he dreamed it, he barely remembered the entire night. How the fuck was he supposed to remember something that was never explained to him?

Adam played with the hem of his shirt. “I think you know,” Adam said. “I think you know that I don’t know, shitsack.” Ronan bit back.

“All you have to do is talk to me, Cabeswater has been telling you, can’t believe I have to tell you as well.” Even in his dreams Adam was doing his best to be annoying, Ronan found it kind of hot. “I _am_ talking to you,” smiling at Adam with his eyes closed and teeth bared. An odd mix of venom and comradery those two were. Adam wasn’t the only annoying one.

“You know what I mean. You need to _talk_ to me.”

“I know what you mean.”

And once again Ronan woke up. Ten pounds of lead had settled itself in his stomach. This entire situation was so absurd, chaotic and uncalled for it would have been funny if it were happening to someone else.

Ronan stood at crossroads. His incredibly stupid, borderline insane, head had self sabotaged so intensely hard he was now forced to tell Adam he had feelings. Yes-homo, recurring erection triggering, feelings. He had to if he wanted Adam to go to school tomorrow. Or ever. Having this thing floating around would really ruin the whole _secret greywaren_ thing Ronan had going on.

So there was A, don’t tell Adam and force him to hide out for a not-disclosed period of time. B, tell Adam and solve this problem but creating a whole new problem that was a lot more in Ronan’s disadvantage than the current one. However, there was also option C, tell Adam while Adam _was asleep_.

Ronan rubbed his hands over his face while he tried to calm down. This was beyond insane. He craned his neck up so he could see Adam sleeping on the mattress next to him. Adam had his back turned to him, breathing evenly. Ronan had imagined this scenario a hundred times. However, it never went like this. Hushed words, a whispered confession, where only the moon and stars could hear Ronan Lynch baring his heart to Adam Parrish. 

Well, that’s what Ronan Lynch thought. Adam Parrish was always just one sound away from full consciousness. Waking up at the slightest, even when he was at his most tired. And so he heard the soft creaking of the floor next to him. A deep intake of breath and a confession that he seconds after doubted he had actually heard. “I dream for you.”

Adam didn’t move when the balloon stopped floating around his head. He heard it go out of the window. It was free now, in the wild, where no one knew what would happen to it. Only that eventually, it would bang. Maybe it would be loud and ugly, maybe gentle and at the right time. Adam shut his eyes.

 


	4. Chapter 4

In the next days Adam realised what he could have. What he could take, and quite possibly destroy. Holding Ronan Lynch’s heart in his hands reminded Adam quite a bit of holding a bomb in both his hands; if you were holding it anyway, it was better to know how to dismantle it. Adam wasn’t so sure he knew. 

 

He knew he  _ wanted _ . He wanted to touch him when he came back from tennis. Wanted to smooth out his everlasting frown. Wanted to know how it would feel like to sleep in bed with him. Wanted to know what it would feel like to  _ not sleep _ in bed with him. 

But was it right for him to want any of that when he had nothing to offer in return? How could he give anything magical to a magic boy? He hadn’t been able to give it to Blue. 

 

On monday morning Ronan was gone. Ronan didn’t show up to school either. Not that anyone was expecting him to. Gansey rolled his eyes at Adam, who nodded back. It was two AM when Ronan crashed back into Monmouth. Driving into the parking lot, BMW in fourth gear. Screeching to a stop, the hot wheels dragged over cold asphalt. Only one of his headlights on, blinking in an uncharacteristic way for a car owned by a Lynch. 

 

Gansey was sitting on his bed when Ronan stormed in, reading a book of which the title Ronan didn’t even want to know. Gansey didn’t look up. The fire in Ronan subsided, he didn’t want to be looked at - judged. “I’m glad you’re back.” Gansey flipped a page in his book. More for theatrics than anything. Ronan kicked open his door and disappeared. 

 

Gansey sat back, shoving his glasses up his nose. He was sure something had happened between Ronan and Adam. When Gansey had spoken to Adam about the balloon, or the lack thereof, at school earlier Adam had been evasive. Shrugging, he had avoided eye contact. Ronan’s absence wasn’t unusual, nor was the midnight-mess. Adam was always the one giving away how things were between them. It might not be on purpose but at least it gave Gansey an indication. He made a mental note to give them both some breathing space. 

If only that were possible... 

 

\------------ 

 

“You’re absolutely sure it’s a leak?” 

 

“I think the water would be a strong indicator, yes.” 

 

Blue sighed. “I’m so sorry this is happening  _ now _ . Just drive over here, you can stay here for as long as it takes to get fixed.” 

 

Even the first floor of his warehouse flooded couldn’t take away the thrill he felt when talking to Blue. Ronan stormed past him, carrying Chainsaw’s cage in one arm and his pillow tucked under the other. 

 

When gansey woke up he had heard a sound come from the bathroom. On further inspection he had found a tiled floor covered in water, now flooding the main area of the warehouse. He had shouted for Ronan before running to his books, picking them up from the floor and shoving them all in the Pig’s trunk. Noah spent his time building a dome over mini-henrietta using plastic bags and ridiculous amounts of tape. Gansey wasn’t sure it would stop the water from soaking his town. 

 

Ronan got out of bed after a couple minutes of Gansey’s desperate rummaging. He looked down to where his feet were placed in a puddle of water. “fuck,” he deadpanned. Shutting the door to him room he trudged outside, shielding his eyes from the rising sun. In a few seconds he had the water turned off. He heard Gansey cheer as soon as the water stopped running.

 

Ronan, being Ronan, immediately turned down the offer to crash at a 300 fox way couch as well. Not that they necessarily wanted him there, it just felt morally wrong to not invited him as well as Gansey. 

 

“You can always crash at Adam’s, I’m sure he wouldn’t mind. You’re there often enough,” Gansey suggested airily. Out of the three of them, it was Gansey that most often got away with being a shithead. However, to his great surprise, Ronan shrugged and agreed. “I fucking guess.” 

 

Gansey squinted his eyes but didn’t say anything. By now it was almost eight and they had to get to school. They got in their separate, loaded, cars. 

 

\------- 

 

Did Ronan spend the entire day at school with Adam just to feel less anxious about crashing at his place? Yes. Did it work? No, definitely not. 

 

It was 6:21 PM, a dark BMW stood parked in front of the factory Adam worked. Adam had an extra shift after school, squeezing in a couple of his required hours. While doing the monotone work he had already written half of his economy essay in his head. 

 

Adam squinted, sun reflecting off the BMW’s windows. He knew Ronan saw him as well. He felt a thrill run through him as he made his way over the parking lot, shoes hitting the pavement with purpose. Ronan was waiting for him.

 

They got dinner late. Blue was at the end of her shift. Gansey, Ronan Adam and Noah had taken place in their usual booth. Ronan sat next to Adam, carefully not touching him. Adam sat next to Ronan, carefully inching closer. It was very complicated. 

 

“I had a dream last night where we were in cabeswater and there was this huge beast…” Gansey was wrapped up in telling the story of his dream. 

 

Noah looked up. “You sure that wasn’t just Ronan?” He his Ronan’s high-five over the table, both grinning. Adam snorted, Blue rolled her eyes at them. 

 

Adam tried catching Ronan’s eye during dinner, to no avail. Gansey eyed him in question, he knew there was something up. Adam leaned back, sighing. 

 

They all finished dinner and stretched out. Ronan blew away in the BMW, telling Adam he’d see him later. Gansey and Adam walked to the parking lot together. 

 

Adam thought about talking to Gansey for a short moment. Everytime he felt like talking to Gansey he recalled a conversation they had had before. It had been back when Adam was sort-of dating Blue, sort-of-not. Gansey had looked at him and said to him, “you only want me to tell you what to do because it’ll be easier when I say it. But you know the answer.” First Adam had felt ashamed. Wished he had just kept his mouth shut and dealt with his shit by himself, he usually did. Now a year later that particular piece of friendly wisdom was what helped him kick his own ass more often than not. He knew what he had to do, he knew what he wanted to do. He was quite certain those two things were the same. He got into his car. 

 

The more he thought about Ronan the harder he pressed the gas. The touches, the looks, the  _ everything _ . He wanted it. It was what he had been thinking about all day. It was all right there, he could reach out and take it - he was going to. He would come back for Ronan, again and again for as long as Ronan would want him to. 

 

Driving this recklessly made Adam feel the same way Ronan made him feel. The same way he thought Ronan must feel so often. Adam loved being so much more than he had ever thought possible, than the world had ever thought possible of him. Adam made a sharp turn, slamming the car into second gear. Foot still on the gas, gravity pulling him to the side. 

 

That was the biggest difference between Adam’s box on wheels and BMW. Hell, even the Camaro. It was fighting to keep up with Adam’s commands. The BMW was ready for whatever speed you desired from it. It was prepared for the fight you were putting on and could take it. The honayota’s mad vibrating made Adam’s blood soar. It’s wheels shaking at all Adam was demanding from it. It kept going, and going, and if Adam didn’t have such a clear destination maybe he would have only stopped because of a lack of fuel. However that wasn’t the case. It was the Barns in the far distance that made Adam release a breath he wasn’t aware he had been holding, he felt euphoric. He took his foot off the gas and let his car roll, until finally he came to a halt. He got out of his car. 

 

Adam knew this was where Ronan would be. He wasn’t allowed and wouldn’t stay long, but he’d be there. 

 

Walking around the house Adam saw a collection of small dream lights floating around in the distance, near the edge of the forest. He was sure that was where Ronan was. 

 

He made his way over, wind pushing in his back, urging him to move faster. 

 

Adam could see Ronan now. His shape illuminated by the lights around him, not too far from him there were a couple of buck. 

 

Adam knew Ronan could hear him approach when he saw Ronan’s shoulders tense, ready for fight. “Hey,” Adam said, letting Ronan know it was him. 

 

Ronan didn’t turn around to look at him but his shoulders did relax, Adam saw that as a win. 

 

Adam came to a stop next to Ronan, admiring the beautiful buck in front of them. It’s eyes looking curiously at them. They looked back just as curiously. 

 

Adam wasn’t sure where to start, but he knew he wanted to start. He slowly moved his hand towards Ronan’s, until their pinkies touched. Ronan tensed up again. 

 

“Adam-” 

 

“No.” Adam cut him off.  “I’ve been a coward.” his words rushed out. “Yesterday, I, uh- I heard you, and I should have said something.” He curled his pinky properly around Ronan’s as he said this. 

 

Ronan moved his left hand up (the one not currently attached to Adam’s) and covered his face with it, groaning in embarrassment. 

 

“I’m sorry,” he started to say but Adam shushed him, finally turning to look at him, even if Ronan wasn’t looking back. 

 

“What’s there to be sorry for? Huh?” Adam slowly reached up to take Ronan’s hand away from his face. 

 

Adam looked down at Ronan’s mouth and knew that he wanted to kiss it, badly. And he also knew that if he were to kiss him Ronan wouldn’t mind. And because things sometimes really are that simple he cupped Ronan’s chin with his hand and leaned in and finally,  _ finally, _ found out what it was like to kiss that sharp mouth. To smile into it when their noses bumped. 

 

Ronan let go of Adam’s pinky so that he could fully intertwine their fingers, fitting together seamlessly. He kissed Adam back. 

 

Adam’s heart was beating like crazy in his chest and he was so so so happy. Feeling Ronan’s breath on his cheek, his hands touching Ronan’s. He had jumped into the deep and was pretty sure he had landed in heaven. And if this wasn’t heaven then he didn’t need to know what it was like, this was good enough for him. 

 

When they broke apart they looked at each other. Both filled with wonder and disbelieve. Ronan let his fingers trace Adam’s jawline. “You fucking heard me. Not embarrassing at all or anything.” 

 

Adam smiled at him, a sad smile. 

 

“I’m really sorry I didn’t say anything. I should have. Just freaked out.” Adam moved his face into Ronan’s hand so that he was cupping Adam’s cheek. 

 

“You’re here, with me. So it’s whatever.”

 

“Nice talking, Lynch.” 

 

“Shut up.” 

 

“Wanna go to my place?” 

 

Ronan caught the double meaning immediately and nodded his head. Together they walked back to the barns, where their cars were parked, both still hot. They held tightly onto each other (not that they would ever admit that do anyone else). And when they both had to get into their separate cars to drive back Adam pulled on Ronan’s hand to kiss him before they went. Ronan’s face lit up with surprise. This was allowed now. Holy-fucking-shit. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Say what u want but I'm out here writing a fic with like pretty decent communication like never seen before can u believe it ???
> 
> Next chapter is just going to be uhh u know


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